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Sunday, June 9, 2013

Heat Game Live Blog. Please RT

Game 2 - About 2 minutes left in the first because Anthony "Toni" from Taco Mac was being a real Sally and not giving us our check. Live Blog starts about now.

8:30 - There seems to be a representative from every nation on the court. This a true "United Nations" lineup right now. 

8:32 - Gary "NEal" Neal drains a three pointer and is as whet as Hurricane Sandy 

8:36 - NBA's version of match.com comes on the tele and features famous NBA duos such as Kevin Garnett and Mirk KNowitski but somehow leaves out Jason Collins.

8:37 - Birdfellow fouls Kiwi lemonade but the real crime here is that mohawk.

8:39 - It's seems as if Man U Ginobli drove the lane but we don't really know what happened because of the glare off the bald spot.

8:40 - Matt Boner tries to defend but Birdguy but birdfellow says "no, no, no just the tip" as he tips it in. 

8:41 - Tim "treebeard" Duncan looks wide-eyed on the bench as he takes a nap and eats some well-buttered crumpets 

8:42 - Timmmaaaaayyyyy Duncan is wide-eyed like its his 5th prom and he won homecoming king, meanwhile Lebarron James is pissing himself because he just graduated 7th grade. 

8:44 - the only one who understands me is Flava Flave 

8:46 - Splinter Cell gets blocked by the rim who says, "Who put that der" 

8:47 - Man U Ginobli plans on missing most of the third quarter to watch Game of Thrones.

8:48 - Chris Manderson misses the free throw because the NBA wouldn't allow live birds in the arena. He then throws his hands in the air as if to say, "I'm innocent." What about the porn Chris, what about the porn?

8:52 - Kevin Durant eats a Gatorade square and is stuck in limbo. Leo Decap goes into help.

8:54 - "what happened to that gay guy" "He's still bad at basketball"

8:57- Dale sack taking over for a few minutes

8:58- Heat took out all of their white guys.  That's a hate crime

8:59- The black guy with the pedophile mustache got a three pointer. 

9:00- Lebron James is livid over that call. I don't know what happened, but that was intense

9;:01- Just a PSA that Birdfellow masturbates to child pornography

9:04- That professional athlete who is paid a ton of money just missed a shot. What is this?

9:05- Magic Johnson is in the stands. Is he the one who has AIDS?

9:06- Watch that pivot foot!

9:07- Lebron James took his ball and went home because the street lights came on.

9:07- BirdLad walks behind James, thinking about his favorite birds.

9:13- Magic "Mike" Johnson and Dirty Mike Wilbon make bald heads popular again during halftime show.

9:13 - Looks like were tag teaming this live blog from here on out. Egg Gosete, knick Slayers and The Matador with the assists.

9:14- A slanty-eyed Jeremy Lin weeps at a Portland coffee shop as rumors of Kevin Durant plowing his wife arise from AT&T commercial. Sprint representatives will neither confirm nor deny rumors. 

9:17- Magic "Now You See My" Johnson fist bumps random white guy. 

9:20- Arby's lad rumples his stiltskin over "freshness". 

9:21- POTUS Obama taps phone calls to Heat locker room at halftime. 

9:22- Ray Allen says "I'm a real boy" while playing with his banana on the bench. 

9:23- Half time lasts for more than 30 minutes!! Thanks leftist media. God damn libs. Obama

9:24 - Boshasauraus literally and metaphorically lays an egg on the court as he misses that jumper...Yoshi style.

9:27- THE KING MISSES A LAYUP!!! Birdguy now takes the throne as King of Miami. **Rick Ross approves this message**

9:30 - Mudonis Muslim takes off in the middle of the 3rd as is per tradition in his religion. 

9:31- Danny "Green Mile" Green hits his 5th three pointer and freestyles during the timeout. All I could make out was something about Nerf guns and airplanes.

9:34- NBA on ABC informs us that we are essentially raping them by posting this. Apparently we need consent..? Consent is for mothers and nerds sounds like more left wing media propaganda.

9:36- Kiwi gets the shooters roll over LeBrick. Experts already calling the shot, "The Shot Heard Round The Barbershop"

9:40- Birdguy is legally obligated to go seat to seat explaining that he is a sex offender-per Florida State Law. Misses Third Quarter.
9:42- Towel Boy empties his soaked rags into an old Dasani bottle. (Alleged to be requested by Doris Burke)

9:42- Update of Birdguy- an Instagram confirms that Chris now taking an ice bath in the locker room after being blue balled by the the aforementioned Towel Boy. We'll see how he rebounds in the 4th.

9:46- The dad in Elf to star in new sitcom called "My Little League coach is a Milf"

9:48- hehehe 69

9:50- Tim Dunkin Dognuts mutters, "Kittens got claws," after Birdguy scratches at his nipples.

9:51- LeBron has now officially scored more points in the 3rd quarter than the Verbal portion of his SAT.

9:52 - A down on his luck Zark Suckerburg is seen with Evan Longoria in the stands. Tony Parker gives the Stink Eye

9:53 - Mickey Mouse, that sneaky little mouse bitch, sneaks into the championship round. Straight to the final four with ya

9:54- That one guy looks a lot like a girl. A really masculine girl, but a girl nonetheless

9:56 - Had a really racist joke but Obama censored it. Thanks Obama.

9:58 - Spoelstra very concerned about loose balls -- heard via Doris Burke who was sopping with sweat. Birdguy replies, "I prefer mine undropped"

9:59- BirdLad misses a shot. "I have tattoos. I'm BETTER than this", he mutters to himself

10:00 - Birdguy has a tattoo that says Free bird which he got after getting out of the clink from child pornography charges. The worst part about the clink? The dementers. 

10:02 - Greg Popsamollyvich takes his 86' Oldsmobile and drives home.

10:03 - Commercials only show the Heat holding the trophy. This STINKS of leftist liberal god damn media.

10:06 - Chris Boshua Raptor is looking to get kinky with some dinos after the game. 

10:07 - Birdguy has to wear a jersey because of the tattoo of a naked little boy on his chest. Only Doris Burke knows about it.

10:08 - Doris Burke goes back to the locker room to change into something sexier in order to collect some good post game sweat. If she's lucky Spoelstra's boyish charm will smile upon her. 

10:09 - Shaqbron James mother creates a new way to make a hoop. They are calling the move a Slammy Slammy Dunke.

10:11 - Linda Stouffer, heir to the Stouffer fortune, gives us a sexy view on the Atlanta news.

10:12 - Spurs wake up Mexico's best Dejuan Blair from a siesta in hopes of sparking a comeback.

10:14 - We get a tweet from the very reputable Timothy Marsh saying that we are doing a splendid job and to have a wonderful evening. We thank you Timmmaaaaayyyy.

10:16- Little baby dragons are the power behind the new Sprint phone. Sprint either has access to both a time machine and shrink ray, or they have genetically engineered dragons. This is interesting.

10:18 - Birdguy calls the new Kia "can I fit" commercial the most relatable thing that he's seen all day. 

10:20 - San Antonio has two yellow blocks left. They could need one, maybe even both of them. 

10:21 - Popsavich offers the Boshua Raptor a cow carcass in exchange for another yellow block saying, "We need it", proving that Coach Popddammollyvich is the only true tactition left in the NBA. #nbacares 

10:24 - A white guy says "Hey I'm in the NBA too" and shoots the ball off the cylinder. Black men everywhere laugh. 

10:25 - Robert Kunce gets very kean at the end of the fourth quarter as the Heat score 30 some odd points. 

10:26 - Stuart Scott walks into the Spurs locker room after the game. He somehow acquired a Spurs Jersey. 

10:27 - Doris Burke interviews a less fat Jay-Z and collects some of his sweet sweet sweat. 

10:27 - Burke touches the small of Lebarrons back as she waits to collect some of his nectar. 

10:28 - Tattoo Lad says "Rim protection? I'm not to kean on that" 

10:29 - Lebaron - "I've got one of the biggest Bonners on the team" 



















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