AtF's Best of the Best: Facial Hair

To many, facial hair is merely seen as a coping method for men (and some women) who struggle with growing hair on the other end of their head. However, the staff here at AtF sees it for what it truly is, an art form. Sure, in some cases facial hair is primitive and unkempt, but today, we salute those who truly understand the art of growing hair out of their faces.

10. LeBron James
Today, King James is king of something besides eclectic facial expressions. That is the neard. AKA the neck beard. It takes quite the person to pull off this "Bradlyn Gossett-esque" statement, and to be honest, we aren't really sure the LBJ can actually pull it off. LeBron, however, clearly thinks he does because he keeps wearing it? I guess wearing is the phrase to use here? So, for having "not-so-quiet-confidence, we give LeBron James and his neard the number 10 spot on the countdown. 

"Harden ain't got nuthin on me."

9. Keith Hernandez
Keith Hernandez won two World Series, a batting title and was a five time All Star, yet still, his greatest accomplishment does not lie in the realm of baseball. It, in fact, lies in the realm of his upper lip. Yes, Keith Hernandez, one of the greatest first basemen of all time is often forgotten. His mustache, however, will live on forever. Its beauty lies in its simplicity, perhaps capturing the spirit of blue collar America who strove for much more in life, Hernandez became an icon to middle class America, and for that he grabs the number 9 spot.

Keith Hernandez just wants to play.

8. Kimbo Slice
Contrary to popular belief, Kimbo Slice is not a dish at a Middle Eastern food stand. He is, in fact, one of the greatest fighters of our time and what does every great fighter need? You guessed it, great facial hair. Many opponents of Kimbo have postulated that his raw power and ferocity comes directly from the shrub on his face, a Sampson like quality. I can neither confirm nor deny these claims, but Kimbo has one of the most intimidating beards of all time earning himself the 8 spot on the countdown.

You Go Kimbo

7. Walt Frazier
Few men can pull off sideburns like Walt "Clyde" Frazier. In 1987, Frazier was inducted into the basketball Hall of Fame. Today, we induct Walt into a more important Hall, the Facial Hair Hall of Fame. Walt's sideburns were like racing stripes as he sliced and diced opponents left and right making him one of the best players to ever live. Congrats Walt, you earned it.

6.Adam Morrison
As Keith Hernandez is to middle class America, Adam Morrison is to struggling facial hair growers. It is clear that Morrison cannot grow facial hair very well, yet he tries it anyways. Unfortunately, this persistence and zeal does not translate into his basketball game. Really, all he has is his mustache, so who can blame him for sticking with it? I'm sure Adam has been heckled more than David Stern at the Draft, so I bet he could use some good news right about now and for that he receives the number 6 spot.

5. Drew Gooden
The facial hair of Drew Gooden is like the phases of the moon, except it never repeats itself. Gooden cracks the top five for one phase in particular. I call it the Jack Sparrow beard. Others refer to it as the spider beard. What ever it is called, it is truly a work of art and it might be controlling Gooden's mind and forcing him to take over the world. Whatever, it's still awesome.

Peter Parker

4. Brett Keisel
It takes a lot to grow a beard like Brett Keisel. Each morning, he carefully combs tree sap and mink oil into his luscious chin flow. Brett actually spent his whole off season chopping down trees so that his beard would have a little character. That kind of dedication can only earn a man one thing: the number 4 spot on our countdown.

Hot juicy burger

3. Lanny McDonald
Lanny McDonald's mustache makes Keith Hernandez look like Adam Morrison. The soup strainer on his face can actually filter sea water and make it potable. Should we expect Lanny to travel to third world countries and filter water with his face? Maybe. The one thing we do know for sure is that Lanny McDonald has one heck of a mustache.

2. James Harden and Brian Wilson
"Fear the Beard" The number 2 spot is tie between two athletes who have made millions off of beard merchandise. (probably) The only difference between the two is a championship. James Harden doesn't have one because the NBA doesn't allow feather earrings, therefore inhibiting him from actually becoming Mr. T. on the court. Both have fantastic beards earning them the number 2 spot.

1. Rollie Fingers
How can we define perfection in today's corrupted world? How can we find beauty when we are surrounded by such evil? How can we explain love when the heart's of men are full of hate? I'll tell you how: Rollie Fingers, more specifically, his mustache. Never mind that he has the perfect pitching name. The only thing that matters is his mustache. We should all strive to his example of what facial hair should be, yet no one shall ever dare to attempt the "fingers" because you WILL fail. Therefore, we end this countdown with a legend. Congratulations to Rollie Fingers for having the greatest facial hair in all of sports.

Peace, Love, and Crabs,
G$

Weekly Music Update

As the summer drags on, (notice how I didn't mention the temperature... We all know it is hot. Stop complaining.), I have turned to this blog to pass the hours. Now that my position on staff of the prestigious Green & Gold has been revoked, I have to spout my non-sensical opinions elsewhere and this is just the place. Honestly, I'm not even sure if people read this blog and honestly, I don't care. That may be a poor attitude if I ever want this thing to succeed, but, as of right now, this blog is simply a source of entertainment for ME. But hey, if my typo filled posts entertain you, then so be it, I would love for you to read it and maybe even tell your friends. (Chances are that if you read this, you are struggling on the friend front...Sorry.) I have decided to add a little regularity to this site which has never experienced such a phenomenon. I shall call it the "Weekly Music Update". I like to think that I have an eclectic taste in music. One that could be appreciated if shared with the world, but also one that people might find repulsive. Everything that is appreciated in life has haters and like a wise man once said, "Haters gon' Hate". So, without further ado, I shall introduce bands to you, my loyal readers, in hopes that you will appreciate/hate them and make Mitchell, Bradlyn (intentional misspelling), and myself world famous... Enjoy... or not...

This week's band heralds from the great city of Nashvegas, i.e. Nashville. A city that isn't JUST for lonesome cowboys looking to make it big anymore. In today's underground techno-pop-alternative world, names like MGMT and Passion Pit have emerged from the dust and created a market for this catchy yet subdued music. I say subdued meaning in comparison to this DubStep thing. One band that looks to follow in the aforementioned bands footsteps, yet deviate into their own sound is Cherub. According to my friend Erik, Cherub is already being blasted in bars around college towns such as Athens, GA, and this suits their band well. Cherub has a distinct sort of alt-techno club banger sound that features the sweet falsetto of Jordan Kelley and funky guitar/keyboard of Jason Huber in a perfect combination that is most effective when played at full volume. Cherub released their first studio album, "Mom & Dad", in February of 2012. Most popularly, the song "Doses & Mimosas" has been the "single" for their album. It captures their pretentious, "I don't care what you think" attitude, which suits them well. The album makes a great soundtrack for a late night of debauchery which is what will make them successful.

My Favorite Off The Album:
Dear Body

Song Most Likely To Become Famous:
Doses & Mimosas

Worst Song:
What I Want

http://cherublamusica.com/

Have a band I should listen to? Post a comment. I might check it out...I also might not...

-G$

Hawk's New Chapter

As a Hawks fan, this offseason, still in its infancy, has been THE most exciting one in recent memory. Atlanta sports franchises are known for their passive, "old school", approach to success. The Braves have one of the best farm systems in the majors. They approach success by carefully "growing" players from a young age instead of buying success like many teams these days. The Hawks have had the key components of their "mediocre" 1st round of the playoff team since Al Horford was drafted 3rd overall in the 2007 draft. All five of these years, Atlanta has been in the same place. They come into the playoffs and underdog, and lose in either the first or second round. Don't get me wrong. I love that the Hawks make it to the playoffs, heck we could be Charlotte, but I have come to expect this first or second round loss every year. Finally, the Hawks have made some moves and have started to turn heads around the league.

The off season started with the acquisition of a new GM, Danny Ferry, former VP of Basketball Operations for the San Antonio Spurs. Ferry was considered one of the best high school basketball players and played professionally for Cleveland and, for a long time, held the record for most games played for their franchise. That is until "Big Z" dethroned him in 2009. His management career also began with the Cavs. He experienced much success during his time as GM; however most of this fell directly on the shoulders of this guy named LeBron James. When you have that guy, it's almost impossible not to make a run in the playoffs. Ferry made a series of very questionable moves as the GM. The most questionable of these is the acquisition of Shaquille O'Neal. This, at the point in his career where he could hardly make it down the court. Somehow he thought that would get LeBron his ring? After resigning from the Cav's, Ferry "took his talents" to San Antonio where he played a large part in the continuation of the Spur dynasty. Everywhere he has been, success follows and everyone in Atlanta is hoping that this streak continues, even Rick Sund.

Ferry began making moves even before his bags were unpacked in the ATL. The Hawks selected John Jenkins, 3pt specialist out of Vanderbilt, in the first round, and Mike Scott out of UVA in the second. The Jenkins pick is a high-risk-high-reward pick as his game is very one dimensional. One thing is for sure, the boy can shoot and that’s what the Hawks need. Someone, other than Marvin Williams to pass to when they need a triple.

Right after the draft, the impossible occured. Something so unthinkable it would make Kevin Garnett proud. The Hawks traded Joe Johnson and cleansed themselves of the cancer that was his 6 year $119 million contract. Johnson, who averaged a mere 18.8 points per game this past season, did not live up to his title as highest paid player in the NBA. Many looked at Johnson as the anchor of mediocrity for the Hawks, which is why I rejoiced when he was sent to Brooklyn. I honestly don't even care who the Hawks received in return for Johnson, (Jordan Farmar, Johan Petro, Anthony Morrow, DeShawn Stevenson (via sign-and-trade), and Houston’s 2013 lottery-protected first-round pick ). The biggest win for the Hawks is getting rid of JJ and his massive Ford (see Bradley's "Treat Yo Self") and his massive contract.

What does this mean for the Hawk's future? Good question. With Johnson's contract gone, this frees up space on the Hawks payroll and focus falls on the 2013 offseason. Notable free agents include Chris Paul, Dwight Howard (probably), Manu Ginobli, and the whole Jazz team. Josh Smith's contract will have expired as well, and he is sure to have many suitors. If the Hawks could land one of these big names, it would most certainly break up the mediocrity of the team and bring a new hope to the franchise. Howard and Smith's long time friendship might help to reel in Dwight and start a new chapter in The Highlight Factory.

Perhaps the biggest win for the Hawks is getting rid of the scar on the franchise that is Marvin Williams. Every time I look at his face I see missed opportunity, and I see flashes of CP3 in red and navy slicing up defenses in the Phillips. Marvin was traded to the Jazz for former Badger Devin Harris. Harris has fought through injuries in his past few seasons but will be a good replacement for Kirk Hinrich if the rumors surrounding his trade do in fact come true. (My sources, i.e. Levy, tell me that a trade is very likely)

One thing is for sure, these offseason moves have opened up an exciting future for the Atlanta Hawks. With the right management and coaching, the Hawks could become a power in the East and compete with the "next level" teams that dominate basketball.