NBA Finals Game 1 - French, Spanish Rivalries and Face Stomping Galore

The beginning of the NBA Finals means only one thing: logging the game's highlights and posting them on AtF after the game. The Sporty Boy and Wordsworth got some help from Takim "The Dream" Williams and Nick "Slayer" Salyers and what we produced was truly special.

8:55 - Gregg Popovich acknowledges his pre-game introduction with yet another emotionless face. His facial muscles now haven't moved in 135 days.

8:57 - Mike Miller, Norris Cole and Joel Anthony skip like school girls to the White Stripes' "Seven Nation Army." It's the most exercise Miller and Anthony will get all night. And Cole? He was skipping to see if he could balance a quarter on his flat top.

9:10 - Bosh bricks his first three-pointer of the game from the corner and lets out a velociraptor squeal. Later in the minute, LeBron airballs a three from the opposite corner. The Heat are not displaying their namesake thus far.

9:26 - Dwyane Wade joins his "Big 3" comrade in the airball club.

9:27 - The "athletic" Head defense is penetrated and beat by a 265 pound French guy named Boris.

9:32 - Mike Miller proves us all wrong. First, he can make a basket inside the 3-point line. Second, and contrary to popular opinion, his back is actually not as stiff as a 2' x 4'. That pregame playlist of Wiz Khalifa, "Ghetto Cowboy" and Limp Bizkit album seems to be doing wonders.

9:38 - If you had "Gregg Popovich giving 2 solid answers in a mid-game interview" before "Shane Battier legitimately taking a charge" bet with your friend, congratulations. The NBA truly is "Where Amazing Happens."

9:42 - After Miller's transition three-pointer, it's evident that his pregame playlist includes The Renegade's "Resurgence", as he channels his 1995 trailer-park days in South Dakota in which they used a peach basket as a hoop and a porcupine as a ball.

Wordsworth here to take over for a bit:

9:48 - TIMMMMAAAYYYY rejecting the Birdguy like it's not even a big deal.

9:50 - Just realized that The Purge is tonight and we don't even have steel shutters on the windows and our only form of defense is Mitchell's dog Chipper. Can't be good

9:54 - Lebarron James is not even in the game. I don't understand why he isn't playing every second of this game. He has the stamina of an Amish mule, I think he can handle it.

9:57 - Norris Cole just split between TIMMMMAAAYYY and The Red Rocket on his way to the hoop. A cup of water was on his flat top and he didn't even spill a drop. Nines across the board from the judges except for a five from the East German judge.

10:00 - Kawhi Leonard with an airball that made everyone with corn rows sad.

10:01 - Wait a second. Joel Anthony has snuck onto the court and Erik Spoelstra hasn't seemed to notice yet! This could get out of control quickly.

10:07- Battier with a big block on TIIIMMMAAAYYY. Great old guy on old guy battle.

10:08 - Parker puts his size 11 in Battier's mouth after drawing a foul and then asks him if it tastes like sorrow.

10:09 - Jump ball tipped straight out of bounds. Super Awkward

10:09 - Tony Parker with the body control of a young Britney Spears as he drives to the hoop for a bucket towards the end of the second period.

10:12 - The announcers predict a lob for the last play. They are a little off as TIMMMAAAYYY drains a step back jumper as the countdown to 0 expires.

10:14 - Dwyane Wade says that he's "just penetrating" out there in his halftime interview. For TIMMMAAYYY's sake let's hope he's talking about the basketball court.

10:15 - Lesley Gentry brings some cookies down to the man cave for a halftime feast. We devour them like Chris Boshua Raptor devours smaller dinosaurs.

10:18 - Clark "Flaccid" O'Kelley informs us that he actually is a bitch and will not be coming over for the second half of the game .

10:20 - We go for a change of pace and switch to the undefeated Braves over on FOXXX Sports South. The Dodgers have a player named Ya Seel batting leadoff. You don't see that too often.

10:23 - Getting corrected on all my grammar mistakes. Like Bitch plleaz I don't give a FUDGE.

10:24 - Bennie "The Jet" Rodriguez comes to bat for the Dodgers. This is going to be a real treat for the fans.

10:29 - Ashley Gentry guesses the first name of a player for Los Angeles. She guesses "Dodgers."

10:31 - Dan Uggla is thinking about striking out. Saying to himself, "Don't be a doofus. Don't be a doofus."

10:32 - Dan Uggla strike outs looking like a fool with his pants on the ground.

Tulo on Cargo and Gold? Nope, Just Wright...

All-Star voting doesn't close for another month. That being said, it's never too early to unveil my All-Star team for the National League.

First Base - Paul Goldschmidt, Arizona Diamondbacks

The D'backs have a two and a half game lead in the NL West and Goldschmidt, along with 9-0 Patrick Corbin, is the reason San Francisco and Los Angeles are chasing Arizona. He leads his team in virtually every major offensive category: batting average, homeruns, RBIs and runs. Furthermore, he leads all National League first basemen in the first three categories (not to mention stolen bases) and trails only Joey Votto in runs scored. Just like Goldmember, Paul is solid gold.

Second Base - Brandon Phillips, Cincinnati Reds

The Redan High School legend has helped guide the Reds to the third best record in the National League with his clutch hitting (45 RBI) and strong defensive play (3 errors). His .989 fielding percentage is good for fourth among eligible NL second basemen. St. Louis' utility man Matt Carpenter has had quite a year as well; while he is unlikely to win the popular vote, I expect him to make the roster.

Third Base - David Wright, New York Mets

Along with rookie ace Matt Harvey and a four-game sweep of the Yankees, Wright's performance this season has been one of the few positive aspects of the Mets' season. At what is arguably the weakest position in the NL, this six-time All Star has put up first half stats worthy of a seventh appearance. While his .276, 8 HR, 32 RBI line is nothing to gawk at (11 SB isn't half bad), it's the best the NL can do at third.

Shortstop - Troy Tulowitzki, Colorado Rockies

Tulowitzki's offensive production and nearly perfect defensive play (1 error) are a few reasons for the Rockies' surprising start. While their pitching has mildly improved from last year's train wreck (you may remember the 75-pitch limit imposed on all starting pitchers by ex-manager Jim Tracy), offense will always be the centerpiece of the Rockies. Tulo leads National League shortstops in more than half of the major offensive categories (HR, RBI, R, SLG to name a few) and is on pace for a .332, 35 HR and 120 RBI season, all of which would be career highs.  Milwaukee's Jean Segura and San Diego's Everth Cabrera have had good seasons as well.

Catcher - Yadier Molina, St. Louis Cardinals

Whoa there. Before you get all up in arms about missing Atlanta rookie sensation Evan Gattis, hear me out:

1. Evan Gattis isn't even on the ballot, so he won't get nearly enough write-in votes.

2. Yadier Molina leads the National League with a .348 average, which is quite an achievement for a catcher.

3. Molina has made 2 errors in 55 games and has erased 42% of stolen base threats, good for third in the National League.

4. He plays with heart. A lot of heart.

I wouldn't be surprised if the Giants' Buster Posey wins the starting job, but Molina's superior average, fielding and baseball IQ gets him the nod in my boat.

Outfield - Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates

While his line isn't overly impressive (.284, 7 HR, 30 RBI, 14 SB), McCutchen is quite a ballplayer. His five assists lead all NL centerfielders and has committed only one error. He is the glue that holds the young Pirates roster together. His numbers haven't been quite as impressive as his 31 homer campaign last year, but he still gets one of my three votes.

Outfield - Justin Upton, Atlanta Braves

.298 AVG/.402 OBP/.734 SLG, 12 HR, 19 RBI, 3 SB. Upton's April was perhaps the greatest in the history of the Braves and helped his team fire out to a 12-1 start. His May was mediocre and his defense hasn't been anything to brag about, but he's been a huge addition to Atlanta. Need proof? How's this?

Or this?

One more time, with a cameo from his big brother:

Upton's 427.4 foot average HR distance leads the league (Justin Upton Hits The Ball A Long Way); with a 14 homerun sample size, that is a staggering distance.

Outfield - Carlos Gonzalez, Colorado Rockies

CarGo is a specimen. He hit 3 homeruns tonight. The second one went very, very far. CarGo's Second Homerun. As of now, he's hitting .313 with 17 HRs and 42 driven in. Throw in his 12 stolen bases and you've got an offensive force on your hands.

Starting Pitcher - Matt Harvey, New York Mets

For the most part, the Mets are not good at baseball. They have staggered out of the gate to a 23-33 start on the season. Unlike a majority of his teammates, Matt Harvey is good at baseball. When he starts, the Mets are 8-4. When other pitchers start, the Mets are 15-29. 

I could go on for days about his stats. He's 5th in the NL in ERA (he led the league before his last start), 3rd in WHIP, 3rd in K/9IP, leads in opponents' BAA, SLG and OPS. and has the highest "average game score" of all NL pitchers. I'm not sure what that means, but it looks good as I'm arguing his case.

In four of his best games on the season, which occurred against the Yankees, Nationals, Phillies and White Sox, his combined stats are scary: 31 IP, 3 ER (0.87 ERA), 31 K. But he only got 2 wins for those gems. 

Is his stuff overly flashy? I wouldn't say so. Sure, his fastball averages 95.3 MPH; but, he has no looping curve like Kershaw, no 99 MPH heat like Strasburg. He does throw his slider almost 21% of the time. Wondering why he throws his slider so often? I think this'll tell you:

 

If you are still unsure, see below:

Matt Harvey (who happens to be a rookie, mind you) is nasty - he should be rewarded for winning so many games with such a putrid offense. Not to mention, the All Star Game is at Citi Field this year. Bochy, give the people what they want.

The Warriors Are Most Certainly Not The Bore-iors

Led by 53 year-old Tim Duncan, the Spurs are old, crafty and predictable. The Bulls' bodies are made of cardboard. New York is playing more like the Bricks than the Knicks. And the Warriors are outrageously boring to watch.

If you read that last paragraph and noticed an obvious mistake, you've clearly been staying up into the wee hours of the night watching these NBA playoffs. Because these Golden State Warriors are the most watchable team in the league.

In his second year, Mark Jackson transformed a 23-43 team poisoned by the basketball-hating, brick-thrower Monta Ellis and deprived of Stephen Curry's skills for much of the season due to injuries in his spaghetti noodle ankles into a 47-35 team that plays with a unique bond and youthful energy. Maybe its because six of their nine players in the playoff rotation are 25 or younger (Harrison Barnes is the baby of the bunch at 20 years old). Maybe its because all of their players pop a molly and sweat use deer antler spray listen to Wild For The Night on repeat all throughout game day are good at basketball.

I think their players' interesting names have something to do with their success. It's widely known that Curry is one of the best (if not the best) shooters in the NBA. He is really, really good. But did you know that his real name is Wardell Stephen Curry II? If he wasn't meant to play for the Warriors, I don't know who is...

Stephen Curry helps an old lady cross the street, saves a cat from a tree and scores 22 points in a quarter

Rookie center Festus Ezeli (a.k.a. Ifeanyi Festus Ezeli-Ndulue) adds fun to the locker room, making every day a fest(iv)us for all of those around him (excluding those who have to pronounce his full name). If you don't believe me, check out his Twitter device; he's known as @fezzyfel (https://twitter.com/fezzyfel). 

However, the importance of used car salesman grunge rock guitarist power forward David Lee is twofold. One, it makes sure that the Warriors don't get too carried away with their names; and two, it gives young White Americans a rare player with which they can identify. 

Wow! Lee's biggest fan is great at Photoshop!

I want to leave you with one final stat. The Warriors shoot 23 three pointers per game. Why is this number significant? Here's why:

1. It was the age at which Manu Ginobili started balding.

2. It is the total number of words Gregg Popovich says to the press in his pre-game, mid-game and post-game interviews/press conferences combined.

3. Michael Jordan

4. The Warriors will win 2 of the next 3 games and advance to the Western Conference Finals. I think.

Is Tiger Woods Really Back?

Anyone with two eyes and couple of balls (golf balls) knows that Tiger Woods won the Players Championship today after some controversy with Sergio Garcia the day before. Yes, Mr. Woods took one look at the Spaniard and said, "I'm better than you, and I know it", and won the tournament at TPC Sawgrass with a 13 under for the tournament. Garcia was so rattled by Tiger's presence among the leaders that he soiled himself on the 17th and then proceeded to shoot his tee shot in the water and wound up with a quadruple bogey.

On the PGA Tour, Tiger is better than you, and he knows it. 

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Bold Predictions: Atlanta Braves Edition

With the trade deadline approaching and one of the Braves' starting pitchers sporting a 3-4 record and a 7.04 ERA, I can't help but be nervous. As of right now, the chances of this team acquiring a new arm are looking bleak, but then again, I don't have any inside sources down at the Ted.

I believe that this team has a chance to win the Series. That, however, is not the bold prediction. This dream can only happen if, 1. Jair Jurrjens stops throwing like Ray King, 2. They acquire a upper to mid level starter to replace JJ, or c. someone steps up in a big way to fill this gap in the rotation.

This is where the Bold Prediction comes into play. Write this down: Chris Medlen, who pitches instead of JJ on Tuesday, will pitch 5-6 innings giving up 1 run and earn the win and the starting position for the rest of the year. The prediction doesn't stop here. I predict that Medlen will be another "surprise" in the rotation a "Sheets-esque" addition and will win at least 6 games and push the team into the playoffs.

Medlen has pitched a total of four innings against the Marlins of Miami this season. Thats 4 IP, 2 H, 0 R, 1 BB, 5 SO, .75 WHIP, and a 0 ERA
In July he has pitched 16.1 innings allowing 8 hits, 1 run, 4 walks and 13 strikeouts. That's a .55 ERA.

While Medlen has been a very valuable piece to the Braves' bullpen, he was most valuable coming in for 3 or 4 innings when the starter was struggling. It so happened that Jurrjens was often the one struggling, i.e. 6 runs on 9 hits in 2 1/3 innings against the Nats.

Unless Frank Wren gets a deal done in the next 12 hours, Chris Medlen will have to step up big if the Bravos want a chance greatness.

**Part of making Bold Predictions is the possibility that they fail miserably. Ergo I either look like a prophet/genius baseball fan or a rambling idiot who posts his uneducated opinions on the internet. For my sake, I hope Medlen deals, but if he doesn't, feel free to rub it in my face.

Sorry for the jab, Ray.

Let's hope facial expressions are where the similarities end.

Sincerely,
G$

Trade Deadline Ramblings, Ramblings and Ramblings (Part 2)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to part two of the Sporty Boy's Trade Deadline Ramblings, Ramblings and Ramblings. Hope everyone is ready for some more over-analyzation.

At this instant, the Atlanta Braves own a 54-44 record, trail the NL East-leading Washington Nationals by 5 games and have a 1.5 game lead on the St. Louis Cardinals for the second wild card spot in the NL. For a team that ranks 14th in the NL in starters' ERA (4.31), starters' IP (5.79 IP/start), in strikeouts (431 or 6.91 K/9IP) and 2nd highest in walks issued (209 or 3.35 BB/9IP), that's not bad at all. However, the current pitching staff won't get the Braves to the playoffs.

Until Brandon Beachy's injury back in June, I wasn't particularly worried. Yes the Braves were trotting out some combination of Mike Minor/Randall Delgado/Jair Jurrjens for two out of every five games, but Fredi Gonzalez's crew was getting by with their performances. 

But as the dog days of summer have dragged along, I have realized that we need to make an attempt at adding an arm. And while Ben Sheets has fought back from what many thought was the end of his career to throw 12 scoreless innings in his first two starts for ATL, I do not believe that he is the long-term solution. (I would love for that previous statement to be completely disproven.) 

It is no secret that the Braves have been actively inquiring about a middle to top-of-the-rotation arm for quite some time now. And while Ryan Dempster may not have known that he was being pursued by the Braves, all of ATL did (http://twitter.com/RyanDempsterFDN/status/227485158197043200). 

Once the Dempster deal fell through, I felt relieved. I never have been a fan of the two-month rental program that is common in the MLB. Instead, I am a much bigger fan of trading for a player who you can control through the following season (i.e. Michael Bourn and Alex Gonzalez) than simply a short playoff chase.

That being said, if the Braves were one player away from being a serious title threat, I would not be opposed to a rental. This team, however, is more than one player away. Two of our starting pitching slots are question marks (not including Sheets) and our offensive production among SS for the season is .241/.269/.333 with 4 HR and 32 RBI. And if not for Andrelton's excellent play in 33 games before breaking his pinky finger, those numbers would be .217/.238/.280. Throw in a less successful bullpen and there are significant gaps to be filled.

So who are some players I'd like to see the Braves go after? I've composed a five-player list that doesn't include the names Zach Greinke (the price would be too high; the Brewers want two or three top prospects, including Julio Teheran. The Braves should wait and go after Greinke this offseason in free agency), James Shields or Ryan Dempster. Instead, all of these players are free agents after the 2013 season and have a chance at helping the franchise over both the short-term and the long-term.  From most likely to least likely, they are:

1. Matt Garza, Chicago Cubs

Free Agent after 2013 Season (28 Years Old)

2012 Stats: 5-7, 3.91 ERA, 96 K's (8.37 K/9), 1.18 WHIP

Garza is much better than his 5-7 win-loss record; remember, he is pitching for a team that has scored the fewest runs in the major leagues. This year, he has shown a significant improvement in his control as he is walking a career low 2.8 batters per 9 innings. He has made five postseason starts during his career (that's more than every Braves starter except for Tim Hudson) and has done well in them; he is 2-1 with a 3.48 ERA.


Garza's price in a trade would be similar to the haul that the Braves offered the Cubs for Ryan Dempster. They would likely have to part with Randall Delgado and a couple of lower level prospects, which is not too high of a price for pitcher of Garza's caliber.

2. Jason Vargas, Seattle Mariners

Free Agent after 2013 Season (29 Years Old)

2012 Stats: 11-7, 3.76 ERA, 96 K's (5.92 K/9), 1.16 WHIP

Vargas is one of the hottest pitchers in the league. His stats are much better when he pitches in his cavernous home ballpark, but he has performed everywhere as of late. In his last six starts, three of which came on the road, he is 4-0 with a 1.85 ERA. Vargas' only real red flag is the fact that he has allowed 25 HR (1.5/9IP) on the season. Five of those came in a June game at Arizona in which he allowed 10 ER in 4.1 IP. Without that start, he would have a 3.24 ERA on the season. 

The price for Vargas is believed to be lower than the asking price for Garza, so the Braves could possibly get away with dealing only prospects and hold on to Delgado. There is no indication that Vargas is on the Braves' radar, but I believe he would be a good fit in Atlanta.

3. Jeff Karstens, Pittsburgh Pirates

Free Agent after 2013 Season (29 Years Old)

2012 Stats: 3-2, 3.52 ERA, 31 K's (6.06 K/9), 1.17 WHIP (Only made 8 starts due to shoulder inflammation)

The Pirates are shopping a starting pitcher? That doesn't make sense, does it? Well with the recent acquisition of Wandy Rodriguez from the Astros, the Pirates now have six starting pitchers. They are rumored to be shopping either Karstens or Kevin Correia in order to get a bat. Now I'm not so sure that Juan Francisco or Eric Hinske would be the bat that the Pirates are looking for, but it's about all that the Braves would be able to give up. 

Now it is very unlikely that the Pirates deal Karstens for one of these players, but it's worth a shot, isn't it?

4. Edinson Volquez, San Diego Padres

Free Agent after 2013 Season (29 Years Old)

2012 Stats: 6-7, 3.30 ERA, 117 K's (8.22 K/9), 1.32 WHIP, 73 BB (5.13 BB/9)

It is rumored that the Padres are planning on keeping the somewhat inconsistent Volquez despite the interest from teams around the league. Therefore, the Braves would really have to overpay for a pitcher that is walking over 5 batters per 9 innings; that doesn't sound like a good plan. The package would likely have to include Braves top prospect Julio Teheran and another one or two prospect. While Teheran is not exactly tearing up AAA right now (6-5, 5.34 ERA with a .290 BAA), the Braves shouldn't give up on him unless they are getting a bona fide top of the line starter (see number five on this list).

5. Josh Johnson, Florida Marlins

Free Agent after 2013 Season

2012 Stats: 6-7, 4.14 ERA, 105 K's (7.93 K/9), 1.34 WHIP

The Marlins' front office has denied that they are giving up on the current roster and trading all of their best players. I won't believe them until Josh Johnson, Jose Reyes and Giancarlo (The Artist Formerly Known as Mike) Stanton are all wearing a Marlins uniform on August 1. The Marlins have made it clear that Johnson is not on the trading block; yet he also is not untouchable. Zak Schmoll of Bleacher Report has phrased the Marlins' asking price as "Teixeira-like," which should sound unsettling to Braves fans.

Should the Braves offer another package like they did to the Rangers for Mark Teixeira (which I will recall in my next post)? No way. But I think they should call the Marlins, offer to send them Teheran, SS/3B Edward Salcedo (Braves' #6 prospect accoding to BaseballAmerica.com) to replace Hanley Ramirez and RHP Zeke Spruill (Braves' #8 prospect according to BaseballAmerica.com) and see what happens. There's no harm in trying, is there?

What will the Braves decide? We'll find out in four days, four hours and 26 minutes.

Trade Deadline Ramblings, Ramblings and Ramblings (Part One)

As the July 31 Trade Deadline rapidly approaches, MLB contenders are facing a new issue: will the extra playoff spot in each league have an impact on the trade market? At first glance, some would assume that the market would heat up to unprecedented levels. More teams feel as if they have a chance to make the playoffs, so more teams will be trying to make deals, right?

But with the extra playoff spot, fewer teams are throwing in the towel and focusing on the future. Five days before the trade deadline, there are only three AL teams that I consider outside of striking distance for a wild card spot; those would be the Mariners, Royals and Twins.  

The NL list is a little longer, with the Astros and Marlins (so much for Marlinsanity....http://www.lobshots.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Marlinsanity-SI.jpg) already clearing out their rosters and the Cubs soon to join. Throw in the Rockies who are surely not willing to part with Troy Tulowitzki, Carlos Gonzalez or Todd Helton (I seriously doubt you can name any more Rockies off of the top of your head), the Padres (who have some tradable assets) and the Brewers and the supply of available players grows to a somewhat respectable crop.

Taking all of this information into account, it's clear that this year's trade market is most certainly more favorable for the sellers. Isn't it? There are more buyers competing for fewer pieces from a smaller number of sellers.

Not so fast my friend! With more teams in the race 100 games into the season, teams like the Athletics, Orioles or Rays may feel less of a need to add a piece. Plenty of teams may be thinking something along the lines of, "Heck, we've made it this far with our roster, why panic now?" Or, "Why jeopardize our franchise's long-term goal for a two-month rental?" Or maybe even, "What the $*#% are the Marlins doing?" Wait a second, every team is asking that last question.

But enough of this market analyzation; I'll sum it up by saying that sellers will probably have more patience because of the increased number of contenders (that is, excluding the Marlins) and that buyers may have to up their offers to move key players. The sellers have the advantage, but it may not be as large as you would think.

Hopefully I don't look like an idiot later today when I post part two of my Trade Deadline Ramblings, Ramblings and Ramblings, in which I will state my position on the Braves' current starting pitching predicament. Hopefully, all of the major rumors are still simply rumors. But if they are no longer simply rumors, prepare for trade analysis as well.

Until next time.......

AtF's Best of the Best: Facial Hair

To many, facial hair is merely seen as a coping method for men (and some women) who struggle with growing hair on the other end of their head. However, the staff here at AtF sees it for what it truly is, an art form. Sure, in some cases facial hair is primitive and unkempt, but today, we salute those who truly understand the art of growing hair out of their faces.

10. LeBron James
Today, King James is king of something besides eclectic facial expressions. That is the neard. AKA the neck beard. It takes quite the person to pull off this "Bradlyn Gossett-esque" statement, and to be honest, we aren't really sure the LBJ can actually pull it off. LeBron, however, clearly thinks he does because he keeps wearing it? I guess wearing is the phrase to use here? So, for having "not-so-quiet-confidence, we give LeBron James and his neard the number 10 spot on the countdown. 

"Harden ain't got nuthin on me."

9. Keith Hernandez
Keith Hernandez won two World Series, a batting title and was a five time All Star, yet still, his greatest accomplishment does not lie in the realm of baseball. It, in fact, lies in the realm of his upper lip. Yes, Keith Hernandez, one of the greatest first basemen of all time is often forgotten. His mustache, however, will live on forever. Its beauty lies in its simplicity, perhaps capturing the spirit of blue collar America who strove for much more in life, Hernandez became an icon to middle class America, and for that he grabs the number 9 spot.

Keith Hernandez just wants to play.

8. Kimbo Slice
Contrary to popular belief, Kimbo Slice is not a dish at a Middle Eastern food stand. He is, in fact, one of the greatest fighters of our time and what does every great fighter need? You guessed it, great facial hair. Many opponents of Kimbo have postulated that his raw power and ferocity comes directly from the shrub on his face, a Sampson like quality. I can neither confirm nor deny these claims, but Kimbo has one of the most intimidating beards of all time earning himself the 8 spot on the countdown.

You Go Kimbo

7. Walt Frazier
Few men can pull off sideburns like Walt "Clyde" Frazier. In 1987, Frazier was inducted into the basketball Hall of Fame. Today, we induct Walt into a more important Hall, the Facial Hair Hall of Fame. Walt's sideburns were like racing stripes as he sliced and diced opponents left and right making him one of the best players to ever live. Congrats Walt, you earned it.

6.Adam Morrison
As Keith Hernandez is to middle class America, Adam Morrison is to struggling facial hair growers. It is clear that Morrison cannot grow facial hair very well, yet he tries it anyways. Unfortunately, this persistence and zeal does not translate into his basketball game. Really, all he has is his mustache, so who can blame him for sticking with it? I'm sure Adam has been heckled more than David Stern at the Draft, so I bet he could use some good news right about now and for that he receives the number 6 spot.

5. Drew Gooden
The facial hair of Drew Gooden is like the phases of the moon, except it never repeats itself. Gooden cracks the top five for one phase in particular. I call it the Jack Sparrow beard. Others refer to it as the spider beard. What ever it is called, it is truly a work of art and it might be controlling Gooden's mind and forcing him to take over the world. Whatever, it's still awesome.

Peter Parker

4. Brett Keisel
It takes a lot to grow a beard like Brett Keisel. Each morning, he carefully combs tree sap and mink oil into his luscious chin flow. Brett actually spent his whole off season chopping down trees so that his beard would have a little character. That kind of dedication can only earn a man one thing: the number 4 spot on our countdown.

Hot juicy burger

3. Lanny McDonald
Lanny McDonald's mustache makes Keith Hernandez look like Adam Morrison. The soup strainer on his face can actually filter sea water and make it potable. Should we expect Lanny to travel to third world countries and filter water with his face? Maybe. The one thing we do know for sure is that Lanny McDonald has one heck of a mustache.

2. James Harden and Brian Wilson
"Fear the Beard" The number 2 spot is tie between two athletes who have made millions off of beard merchandise. (probably) The only difference between the two is a championship. James Harden doesn't have one because the NBA doesn't allow feather earrings, therefore inhibiting him from actually becoming Mr. T. on the court. Both have fantastic beards earning them the number 2 spot.

1. Rollie Fingers
How can we define perfection in today's corrupted world? How can we find beauty when we are surrounded by such evil? How can we explain love when the heart's of men are full of hate? I'll tell you how: Rollie Fingers, more specifically, his mustache. Never mind that he has the perfect pitching name. The only thing that matters is his mustache. We should all strive to his example of what facial hair should be, yet no one shall ever dare to attempt the "fingers" because you WILL fail. Therefore, we end this countdown with a legend. Congratulations to Rollie Fingers for having the greatest facial hair in all of sports.

Peace, Love, and Crabs,
G$

Weekly Music Update

As the summer drags on, (notice how I didn't mention the temperature... We all know it is hot. Stop complaining.), I have turned to this blog to pass the hours. Now that my position on staff of the prestigious Green & Gold has been revoked, I have to spout my non-sensical opinions elsewhere and this is just the place. Honestly, I'm not even sure if people read this blog and honestly, I don't care. That may be a poor attitude if I ever want this thing to succeed, but, as of right now, this blog is simply a source of entertainment for ME. But hey, if my typo filled posts entertain you, then so be it, I would love for you to read it and maybe even tell your friends. (Chances are that if you read this, you are struggling on the friend front...Sorry.) I have decided to add a little regularity to this site which has never experienced such a phenomenon. I shall call it the "Weekly Music Update". I like to think that I have an eclectic taste in music. One that could be appreciated if shared with the world, but also one that people might find repulsive. Everything that is appreciated in life has haters and like a wise man once said, "Haters gon' Hate". So, without further ado, I shall introduce bands to you, my loyal readers, in hopes that you will appreciate/hate them and make Mitchell, Bradlyn (intentional misspelling), and myself world famous... Enjoy... or not...

This week's band heralds from the great city of Nashvegas, i.e. Nashville. A city that isn't JUST for lonesome cowboys looking to make it big anymore. In today's underground techno-pop-alternative world, names like MGMT and Passion Pit have emerged from the dust and created a market for this catchy yet subdued music. I say subdued meaning in comparison to this DubStep thing. One band that looks to follow in the aforementioned bands footsteps, yet deviate into their own sound is Cherub. According to my friend Erik, Cherub is already being blasted in bars around college towns such as Athens, GA, and this suits their band well. Cherub has a distinct sort of alt-techno club banger sound that features the sweet falsetto of Jordan Kelley and funky guitar/keyboard of Jason Huber in a perfect combination that is most effective when played at full volume. Cherub released their first studio album, "Mom & Dad", in February of 2012. Most popularly, the song "Doses & Mimosas" has been the "single" for their album. It captures their pretentious, "I don't care what you think" attitude, which suits them well. The album makes a great soundtrack for a late night of debauchery which is what will make them successful.

My Favorite Off The Album:
Dear Body

Song Most Likely To Become Famous:
Doses & Mimosas

Worst Song:
What I Want

http://cherublamusica.com/

Have a band I should listen to? Post a comment. I might check it out...I also might not...

-G$

Hawk's New Chapter

As a Hawks fan, this offseason, still in its infancy, has been THE most exciting one in recent memory. Atlanta sports franchises are known for their passive, "old school", approach to success. The Braves have one of the best farm systems in the majors. They approach success by carefully "growing" players from a young age instead of buying success like many teams these days. The Hawks have had the key components of their "mediocre" 1st round of the playoff team since Al Horford was drafted 3rd overall in the 2007 draft. All five of these years, Atlanta has been in the same place. They come into the playoffs and underdog, and lose in either the first or second round. Don't get me wrong. I love that the Hawks make it to the playoffs, heck we could be Charlotte, but I have come to expect this first or second round loss every year. Finally, the Hawks have made some moves and have started to turn heads around the league.

The off season started with the acquisition of a new GM, Danny Ferry, former VP of Basketball Operations for the San Antonio Spurs. Ferry was considered one of the best high school basketball players and played professionally for Cleveland and, for a long time, held the record for most games played for their franchise. That is until "Big Z" dethroned him in 2009. His management career also began with the Cavs. He experienced much success during his time as GM; however most of this fell directly on the shoulders of this guy named LeBron James. When you have that guy, it's almost impossible not to make a run in the playoffs. Ferry made a series of very questionable moves as the GM. The most questionable of these is the acquisition of Shaquille O'Neal. This, at the point in his career where he could hardly make it down the court. Somehow he thought that would get LeBron his ring? After resigning from the Cav's, Ferry "took his talents" to San Antonio where he played a large part in the continuation of the Spur dynasty. Everywhere he has been, success follows and everyone in Atlanta is hoping that this streak continues, even Rick Sund.

Ferry began making moves even before his bags were unpacked in the ATL. The Hawks selected John Jenkins, 3pt specialist out of Vanderbilt, in the first round, and Mike Scott out of UVA in the second. The Jenkins pick is a high-risk-high-reward pick as his game is very one dimensional. One thing is for sure, the boy can shoot and that’s what the Hawks need. Someone, other than Marvin Williams to pass to when they need a triple.

Right after the draft, the impossible occured. Something so unthinkable it would make Kevin Garnett proud. The Hawks traded Joe Johnson and cleansed themselves of the cancer that was his 6 year $119 million contract. Johnson, who averaged a mere 18.8 points per game this past season, did not live up to his title as highest paid player in the NBA. Many looked at Johnson as the anchor of mediocrity for the Hawks, which is why I rejoiced when he was sent to Brooklyn. I honestly don't even care who the Hawks received in return for Johnson, (Jordan Farmar, Johan Petro, Anthony Morrow, DeShawn Stevenson (via sign-and-trade), and Houston’s 2013 lottery-protected first-round pick ). The biggest win for the Hawks is getting rid of JJ and his massive Ford (see Bradley's "Treat Yo Self") and his massive contract.

What does this mean for the Hawk's future? Good question. With Johnson's contract gone, this frees up space on the Hawks payroll and focus falls on the 2013 offseason. Notable free agents include Chris Paul, Dwight Howard (probably), Manu Ginobli, and the whole Jazz team. Josh Smith's contract will have expired as well, and he is sure to have many suitors. If the Hawks could land one of these big names, it would most certainly break up the mediocrity of the team and bring a new hope to the franchise. Howard and Smith's long time friendship might help to reel in Dwight and start a new chapter in The Highlight Factory.

Perhaps the biggest win for the Hawks is getting rid of the scar on the franchise that is Marvin Williams. Every time I look at his face I see missed opportunity, and I see flashes of CP3 in red and navy slicing up defenses in the Phillips. Marvin was traded to the Jazz for former Badger Devin Harris. Harris has fought through injuries in his past few seasons but will be a good replacement for Kirk Hinrich if the rumors surrounding his trade do in fact come true. (My sources, i.e. Levy, tell me that a trade is very likely)

One thing is for sure, these offseason moves have opened up an exciting future for the Atlanta Hawks. With the right management and coaching, the Hawks could become a power in the East and compete with the "next level" teams that dominate basketball.

Davis, Get In The Truck!

The perfect driving song encapsulates all of the beauties of driving. It must gush freedom into the ears of the vehicle operator. It must make you one with the beautiful beast that is transporting you across this earth, and it must (this is the most important) only be listened to on a beautiful sunny day. Everyone has his own driving songs, just like everyone has their own thumbprint. It is a part of everyone who operates a motor vehicle. So here is the list of my top 5 driving songs:


1. Lenny Kravitz "Fly Away"

Lenny's rhythmic guitar along with his hopes of freedom combine in a soulful ballad. Hearing "Fly Away" conjures up visions of a young Ricky Bobby who just wanted to go fast. Plus, it's Lenny. This is the same guy who, super model Adriana Lima pretended to be engaged to, even buying herself a diamond ring to make her charade more convincing. That same kind of animal magnetism has been drawing listeners to his music since his years as a kid in the Upper East Side.


2. Public Enemy "Harder Than You Think"

Public Enemy rewrote the book on Hip-Hop in the 80's. Some have compared this stacked rap group to "The Dream Team". I'd say that's not taking it far enough. I mean come on, Flavor Flav, Chuck D, Professor Griff, and S1W. Sure there were claims that they were Palestinian sympathizers and sure, they allegedly had a side rap-rock group called "Confrontation Camp". But can we believe all of this? (It's on Wikipedia, so the answer is DEFINITELY.) Anyways, what's not to love about visionaries and little bit of controversy? Public Enemy drops so many rhymes in this soulful anthem it makes Will Smith blush all the way in Bel Aire.


3. Blues Traveler "Run-Around"

Psychedelic Southern Rock, as some would classify Blues Traveler, is a combination of two musical concepts that would seem to mix like toothpaste and orange juice. Somehow, Blues Traveler dual wields these two to perfection. I hate running, but this song makes me want to actually run around. They say that a good song is something you can be driving in your car listening to, and not want to get where you are going. It makes you simply want to disappear into the vector of time and space and all sense of responsibility merely melts away. I don't think that has ever happened to me, and to be honest, that sounds a little sketchy, like acid or something, but this song brings me pretty close to that, what I would imagine as, euphoric state of mind.



4. U2 "Beautiful Day"

I can't count the number of times that I have steering wheel drummed the stew out of this song. This song has actually been banned while driving in the suburbs of Berlin, Germany because it caused more wrecks than texting while driving. So I say, "listen responsibly" and also, "don't text and drive".

5. The Verve "Bittersweet Symphony"

It's true what they say. Life is a bittersweet symphony. Now I'm not exactly sure what that means, like do I have to be a maestro to understand this song? That issue aside, I am a sucker for the violin and the video has over 22 million views and it was released in 1997. I don't even think Al Gore had invented the Internet yet at this point. So how the stew did it get so many views? Seriously, the music video is the same as every single other music video in existence. Some dude walking down the street looking into a camera and singing... It must be because the song is so dang good.



Listen Responsibly,
G-Money

The Highly Anticipated Release of 'Green and Gold'

After 34 man hours (spent with varying levels of efficiency), hundreds of botched recordings and five man years of journalism, our dedication to the class is finally complete. Wiz Khalifa ain't got nothing on us (now, was that a way for me to utilize the double negative rule people often forget to say that Wiz's version is better than ours, or was it a way of bashing the Pittsburgh-native's original? No one can be certain).

All we ask is that you listen with an open mind and hopefully enjoy the creativity of the lyrics.  Oh, and we want to know if you would put this song on your iPod. Only if the answer is yes.

So, without further ado, we officially release 'Green and Gold.' Actually, if you happened to YouTube search our track in the past 46 minutes, you may have already viewed it! Don't lie Mr. Tamel; we know you scoured the bowels of YouTube to find our work. And for that, we thank you.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3L95cMupG9s

Where Have I Been?

Let me start off by apologizing for my absence on the forum these past 5 months. I don't like to make excuses, but you know with me having my 7th child in February and all, it's been a real chaotic time in my life. I can only assume that with my absence that all of you readers out there have been completely lost without my guidance in the wide world of sports. But don't worry, I haven't given up on you.

 

This guy has got swagger for days.

To update you lost souls on what has happened these past few months, I will graciously give you a top ten list of the biggest things to happen in sports since January 9th. Here it goes. 

#10. Jeremy Lin

When Jeremy Lin first stepped on the floor in Madison Square Garden, Knicks fans let out a collective groan as they thought yet another Rush Hour movie was being filmed. However, once they realized that Lin was actually a athlete and not a paid actor, fans were intrigued to see whether an Asian could actually dribble a basketball. Lin exceeded all expectations by entering a game on January 14th and playing a full 5 minutes. Then he absolutely blew our minds on February 4th by exploding for 25 points against the Nets. Fans celebrated like it was the Chinese New Year and everyone thought they were wittiest people on earth by putting Lin in front of every word possible. Linderella, Linsane, Lincredible, Linpossible, Lintastic. You couldn't hide from Jeremy Lin; he was everywhere. Which is why he comes in only at #10, simply because it was annoying to see him all the time and this is my list. Sorry Jeremy.               

Asian

#9. Metta World Peace's Elbow 

On April 22nd, flashbacks of the 2004 Ron Artest Metta World Peace came back out when he elbowed James Harden right in the cranium. The irony of this moment is simply too great to handle. Why someone would change their last name to World Peace is beyond me, but the fact that they would get suspended for such a violent act makes it absolutely hilarious. Some have dubbed it "The Elbow Heard Around the World. Peace". World Peace's backers say that the elbow was inadvertent and that he was just celebrating a ferocious dunk. I'll let the video speak for itself.  

 

Metta World Peace is not a fan of facial hair. 

 #8. Bryce Harper 

Bryce Harper could be the most depressing athlete in sports for me. The fact that he made his MLB debut for the Washington Nationals on April 28 when he was just 19 years old made me realize how little I have done in my 19 years of life. He's making millions of dollars a year while I have made $5.66 the past 5 months from typing on this blog (Google Ad $$$). Stop making us all feel bad Bryce. Oh yeah, he's also already hit 4 home runs and stolen home (Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez style) in his short time in the major leagues. It does make me feel better that Bryce accidentally hit himself in the face after hitting a wall with his bat in frustration from a strikeout.

Bryce Harper's only weakness - walls.

#7 Tebow Trade 

Everyone will remember where they were on March 20th, 2012 when they heard the news that Tim Tebow had been traded from the Denver Broncos to the New York Jets. I was in Romania wandering around their national gymnastics center and admiring busts of Romanian Olympians of old when a friend informed me that Tebow had been traded. Immediately, a bolt of lightning came from the heavens and struck the tree directly next to me. Was God angry that his only son Tebow had been traded to the Jets for only a fourth and sixth round pick? Will God exact revenge on the Broncos for giving up too early on the greatness that is Tim Tebow? Only time will tell.

Friar Tebow is off to the Big Apple

#6 Joe Paterno 

Perhaps the greatest college football coach who ever lived passed away on January 22, 2012. Under unfortunate circumstances Paterno was forced out last season as the coach at Penn State. For 61 years Paterno was either an assistant or head coach at for the Nittany Lions and his record of 409-136-3 is unmatched in history. Through all of the broken hips (classic old person's injury), losing seasons (few and far between), and changes in the game of college football, Paterno remained a constant on the Penn State sidelines. His longevity with one team will almost certainly never be matched by anyone. I think the best way to sum up Paterno's career is with a Sandlot quote (in case you haven't noticed, I'm a fan of that film). "Heroes get remembered, legends never die." 

"Heroes get remembered, legends never die."

#5 Kentucky Wins National Championship (basketball)/ Anthony Davis Unibrow

No surprises here for the winner of the NCAA basketball title. Even my dog Joey (he's an idiot) could have picked this one in his March Madness bracket. But what makes Kentucky such a big deal is one big thing.  It's Anthony Davis's Unibrow (capitalized because it is a person within itself). It's a miracle that Davis can even see because of the monster growing out of his brow. But it is also the Unibrow that makes Anthony so good. Rumor has it that Anthony Davis is a direct descendant of the biblical Samson because they both draw their strength from hair. Without the Unibrow, Anthony Davis is just a normal 6'10, 220 lb human being. With the Unibrow, Anthony Davis is an incredible college basketball player. 

 

 

 

 

Don't look directly at the Unibrow. It will bite you.

#4 Alabama Wins National Championship (football) 

 You may be asking yourself, why is this ranked ahead of Kentucky/Anthony Davis Unibrow? Because this is my post and football is king. But honestly this national championship game of Alabama vs. LSU was one of the most boring championship games I have ever watched so it deserves a very boring/empty post. Exactly like the boring/empty feeling I got after sitting through this game for several hours with only a surprise platter of nachos to get me excited. Lets be real, even though "defense wins championships" nobody wants to see a 21-0 football game for the championship. We want that 56-52 shootout with the swiss-cheese defense. If you say otherwise you're only kidding yourselves. 

Defense? Yawn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#3 Bubba Watson wins the Masters 

I'm normally not a fan of golf. Numerous chunks of earth can attest to how bad I am at the sport, but I respect those who are somehow able to overcome the frustration that comes along with playing golf and somehow find a way to do that for a living. But when I watched Bubba Watson and Louis Oosthuizen go into a playoff at Augusta I can honestly say that I was interested in the outcome (this is a big step for me with golf). Then on the playoff hole when Watson hooked his shot from the pine straw around the trees and onto the green I audibly said "wow" (unprecedented). Watson's victory at the Masters was about as thrilling as golf can get (still not saying much) which earns it a #3 spot on my list.

 

Awful singing and dancing. Great video.