Monday, May 13, 2013

The Warriors Are Most Certainly Not The Bore-iors

Led by 53 year-old Tim Duncan, the Spurs are old, crafty and predictable. The Bulls' bodies are made of cardboard. New York is playing more like the Bricks than the Knicks. And the Warriors are outrageously boring to watch.

If you read that last paragraph and noticed an obvious mistake, you've clearly been staying up into the wee hours of the night watching these NBA playoffs. Because these Golden State Warriors are the most watchable team in the league.

In his second year, Mark Jackson transformed a 23-43 team poisoned by the basketball-hating, brick-thrower Monta Ellis and deprived of Stephen Curry's skills for much of the season due to injuries in his spaghetti noodle ankles into a 47-35 team that plays with a unique bond and youthful energy. Maybe its because six of their nine players in the playoff rotation are 25 or younger (Harrison Barnes is the baby of the bunch at 20 years old). Maybe its because all of their players pop a molly and sweat use deer antler spray listen to Wild For The Night on repeat all throughout game day are good at basketball.

I think their players' interesting names have something to do with their success. It's widely known that Curry is one of the best (if not the best) shooters in the NBA. He is really, really good. But did you know that his real name is Wardell Stephen Curry II? If he wasn't meant to play for the Warriors, I don't know who is...

Stephen Curry helps an old lady cross the street, saves a cat from a tree and scores 22 points in a quarter

Rookie center Festus Ezeli (a.k.a. Ifeanyi Festus Ezeli-Ndulue) adds fun to the locker room, making every day a fest(iv)us for all of those around him (excluding those who have to pronounce his full name). If you don't believe me, check out his Twitter device; he's known as @fezzyfel ( 

However, the importance of used car salesman grunge rock guitarist power forward David Lee is twofold. One, it makes sure that the Warriors don't get too carried away with their names; and two, it gives young White Americans a rare player with which they can identify. 

Wow! Lee's biggest fan is great at Photoshop!

I want to leave you with one final stat. The Warriors shoot 23 three pointers per game. Why is this number significant? Here's why:
1. It was the age at which Manu Ginobili started balding.
2. It is the total number of words Gregg Popovich says to the press in his pre-game, mid-game and post-game interviews/press conferences combined.
3. Michael Jordan
4. The Warriors will win 2 of the next 3 games and advance to the Western Conference Finals. I think.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The Warriors will win because they still engage in the long lost art of shooting. Few other NBA teams can make this claim. Wait, flashbacks of Josh Smith require me to adjust my claim...he LOVES to shoot.

Let me try this again: The Warriors are different because they "make".

Glad to see you boys are at it again. Welcome back!